all loose ends pt. two
Sam is being gracious enough to let me live with her. Right now I am mired in the move. My desire to have exclusively collapsable belongings was thwarted by living alone and consequently I've accumulated a tremendous amount of lamps and ephemera that simply will not fit within the confines of Sam's one-bedroom apartment. So rather than get rid of my precious collection of tiny black and white television sets, they are now taking up residence in self storage unit. It is not climate controlled because I am not a money tree. When I was filling out the lease for it, the clerk cautioned me against "partying" in my tiny 10'x 15' cell which I thought ludacrus and offered only a nasally snort in reply. Later Sam noted that artist friends of hers had used the climate controlled storage cubicles as ad hoc studios, which reminded me of a short story I wrote years ago about a guy who lives in a storage unit along with his deceased mother's belongings. I considered this briefly for myself at the time, but came to the conclusion that in addition to the likelihood of getting caught and kicked out, the prison conditions and absence of windows would inflame my sometimes-claustrophobia...
Sunday, May 30, 2004
Saturday, May 29, 2004
all ends loose pt. one
Commencement was a week ago. I took the bus to the auditorium and would have worn my cap and gown along the way but for acetate fabric which would have undoubtedly turned my already profuse, anxious sweating into a deluge. The whole escapade spanned over three mind-numbing hours which would have been utterly unbearable were it not for the tassle I had to play with and then the spanish/english dictionary handed out along with our form letters by the lame keynote speaker, a senatoress and professional commencement orator.
For sixish plus weeks prior to the ceremony, I'd been pretty surly about the whole thing - the complete uncertainty of my future overshadowed any joy I could muster at the prospect of finally getting out of school. Afterwards however, a strange sort of calm fell over me.
Now, a week later, I'm still in limbo, but I've got tasks that demand my immediate attention to keep my mind off more abstract thoughts like what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. My old plan was to pick up and move, to travel, whatever, as soon as I graduated so I never bothered to concern myself with local living arrangements. And while I have a little money to brace myself with, I spent much more than I'd saved over the last six months making a grand egress effectively impossible. So I have to fight my flight instinct and at the very least build a bigger nest egg first before I take off.
Commencement was a week ago. I took the bus to the auditorium and would have worn my cap and gown along the way but for acetate fabric which would have undoubtedly turned my already profuse, anxious sweating into a deluge. The whole escapade spanned over three mind-numbing hours which would have been utterly unbearable were it not for the tassle I had to play with and then the spanish/english dictionary handed out along with our form letters by the lame keynote speaker, a senatoress and professional commencement orator.
For sixish plus weeks prior to the ceremony, I'd been pretty surly about the whole thing - the complete uncertainty of my future overshadowed any joy I could muster at the prospect of finally getting out of school. Afterwards however, a strange sort of calm fell over me.
Now, a week later, I'm still in limbo, but I've got tasks that demand my immediate attention to keep my mind off more abstract thoughts like what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. My old plan was to pick up and move, to travel, whatever, as soon as I graduated so I never bothered to concern myself with local living arrangements. And while I have a little money to brace myself with, I spent much more than I'd saved over the last six months making a grand egress effectively impossible. So I have to fight my flight instinct and at the very least build a bigger nest egg first before I take off.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
everything is everything
The window of time during which I am at my peak performance level as a writer is appearantly somwhere between hour 17 and hour 20 of conciousness. Today, this was around 10am. I'd been writing for about 15 hours at that point, give or take an hour for travel and breaks. Today I wrote. And wrote. And wrote the last essay of my collegiate career. Now I am sweating and shivering and pacing in place, hoping that it was at least decent enough for me to deserve credit for the class, the last one I needed to officially graduate. In three days I am supposed to go to commencement, to walk across the stage in my cap and gown and receive my diploma. It doesn't seem real. And it will seem even less real if I have to make up for my self-sabotage this semester by retaking the class during the summer.
The window of time during which I am at my peak performance level as a writer is appearantly somwhere between hour 17 and hour 20 of conciousness. Today, this was around 10am. I'd been writing for about 15 hours at that point, give or take an hour for travel and breaks. Today I wrote. And wrote. And wrote the last essay of my collegiate career. Now I am sweating and shivering and pacing in place, hoping that it was at least decent enough for me to deserve credit for the class, the last one I needed to officially graduate. In three days I am supposed to go to commencement, to walk across the stage in my cap and gown and receive my diploma. It doesn't seem real. And it will seem even less real if I have to make up for my self-sabotage this semester by retaking the class during the summer.
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