another forgone conclusion

Its graduation time. You've been sent the announcement, received the invitation, maybe even gotten the last minute e-vite, and now here is my collegiate graduation gift registration wishlist.
a hat - I'd really like a hat, fedora stylings but with a short brim. grey. made of something reasonable so I could wear it year 'round.
a tattoo - you don't have to do anything but front the dough.
vegetable bags - no more plastic bags!
knives - J.A. Henckels, full tang, 3 rivet, hardcore.
a bar blender - stainless / chrome.
a box of protien bars - at least 10g soy protien per bar, no whey.
citrus press - lime or lemon sized, cast iron or aluminum.
a belgian waffler - preferably non-electric, non-stick, pan-style.
monogrammed handkerchiefs - too foppish for me to ever buy for myself. a butch block font on the initials (rs), please.
assorted dvds - pulp fiction, gattaca, resevoir dogs, silenceofthelambs, ususal suspects, doubleindemnity, waynesworld, brazil, 12 monkees, being john malkovich, big labowski, fightclub, seven, officespace, oh brother..., memento, following, american psycho, amélie