lonely and anxious like a solitary hammer

It hit me today with the heavy, meaty, "thwak" of early morning realisation. Today after bombing my 8am french exam, I registered for next semester's classes - my final semester - only to find that i'm 18 hours shy of graduating. Eighteen Hours! Its just a mess. Worst case scenario, I stay in Austin another semester, about half of the summer, not a big deal really. Hell, I could even move all of my stuff back home, its not the end of the world, its just another well-mortered screw-up-brick in the wall i've been steadily constructing in front of myself. Hmmm, thats not really a very good metaphor because the situation seems more entropic than that. I don't even know if its really worth trying to re-evaluate the situation in hopes of altering my trajectory. It seems like I've been riding the edge of this spiral since I started college. I had hoped that graduating would help me on to a new path, but now that seems further away and i'm sad. I'd really like to cry actually. I'm still clinging to the same behavior patterns, the same ideas, the same people that that I had been four years ago, which seems like an eternity ago. Ok so I accept them as who I am. Now what? How do I use my bad judgement and insecurities to my advantage other than by becoming a stand-up comic? -rs